I want to ask you a question… “Do you have really strong friendships in your life?” This question has become more important to me after recently reading an insightful chapter from a book called The Lost Virtue of Happiness by J. P. Moreland and Klaus Issler. The chapter was entitled “Cultivating Spiritual Friendships”, and in it the authors reminded me of something that I have known for a long time but so easily forget; friendships are essential for the Christian life.
This is a tough lesson for me sometimes. You see, I have a tendency to be a loner. If left to my own devices, I’d like nothing more than to be in my study with several theology textbooks for company. My life has a tendency to drift toward a “me and God” kind of mentality. And even if you’re not particularly drawn to be a loner, the culture in which we live keeps us so busy with things that we don’t have time for deep relationships. Our culture also continually tells us that we have to take care of ourselves and not depend on anyone. As Moreland and Issler say, “For those of us shaped by the values of contemporary western culture, unhealthy independence is a serious threat to our ability to find and cultivate close friendships.” (182)
Despite the cultural pulls and my personal tendencies, when I don’t invest in Godly friendships for any length of time, I know firsthand that something is not right.
Why is this the case? Well, if all reality is dependent on God, we should probably look to God’s nature to see if there is anything we can learn. And the truth that we learn when we look to God is that relationship is built into the very nature of God – God exists in Trinity. The Bible does not affirm that relationship is a created category; Christians believe that God is one in essence, but not one in person. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have always been in an eternal relationship with one another. So the God of the Bible is certainly not a loner, because there has never been a time when the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit was alone.
Further, as we all know, the Bible has a lot to say about living the Christian life, and most of them assume that as Christians we will be in relationships with one another. There are many commands that tell us what is involved in Godly friendships. Here are just a few of the relevant commands:
• Accept one another (Rom. 15:7)
• Admonish one another (Col. 3:16)
• Carry each other’s burdens. (Gal. 6:2)
• Have equal concern of each other (1 Cor. 12:25)
• Encourage one another (I Thess. 4:18)
• Bear with one another (Eph. 4:2)
• Pray for each other (James 5:16)
• Be patient with one another (Eph. 4:2)
• Forgive one another (Eph. 4:32)
• Show hospitality to one another (1 Pet. 4:9)
• Love one another (John 13:34)
So we see two important points about a biblical view of friendships. First, when we live in harmonious relationships with one another we reflect God’s Triune nature. Second being someone’s friend in the kingdom of God involves much more than just saying that someone is your friend, and it involves more than spending time together or sharing a common interest in a hobby.
We are called to follow all of the commands listed above, receiving and giving support, encouragement, and love to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We were not created to live alone; only when we have the support of Christian friends and we ourselves are friends to others will we be able to live in the way that God intended. Jesus has promised us abundant life, and an essential part of that life is the relationships that we develop within the body of Christ.